If you don’t have a job that takes Mondays away from you and you just sit at your mopey ass house all day wishing death on yourself, The Miller Brewing Co., and whoever makes Firefly Vodka, you missed an oportunity to drink that hangover away with your closest friends on the Bogue Chitto in beautiful Sun, Louisiana! Sun is the home of Wayne's World Tubing and Canoeing, a family business. Tubing is probably the best hangover cure in the world and that's why Monday Tubes is the only way to live.
Typical Monday:
9:28—first tubes text
10:17—first tubes phone call
10:30—return phone, call ask for ride, establish who has the ice chest, remind yourself that 4 hours of sleep is plenty and you're still drunk anyway so you'll at least save time getting drunk today and you totally skip the hangover
10:56—arrive at Finns make ocular scan of the tubers to determin Ratio, go over to Jake “Tube Dad” and make a comment about how the Ratio is shaping up and if he has any information about other tubers
11:01—Iced Irish Coffee and a Pitcher of Water
11:15—Ready to go but waiting on someone so we just sit around and say rude things about the tardy individual
11:30 Finally on the road. Hopefully, listening to Lady GaGa, or at least some Jock Jamz.
11:43 Chevron before the bridge for last minute provisions, ice, beer, stuff to make likka dranks.
11:58 Someone you are riding with informs you that the boudin you are eating is a personal attack to their hangover and they hate you. You tell them to drink a beer and chill out.
12:04 Conversatons about how long this bridge is begin blah blah blah you've been on a road trip before
1ish Wayne's World! Finally here time to buy your ticket $15 get some chick to rub sunscreen all over your body, pour your glass bottle booze into plastic. For example: Katie P's Cranberry Sauce or BlackandGoldsmith's Mimosas made with Grapfruit juice I like rum and pineapple juice. We're talking like at least a fifth guys remember sharing is caring. You might want someone's mini muff when you see it at the first beach. You board the bus (don't lose your ticket), and then the driver of the bus talks to you like children, because that is no doubt how you are about to act. As soon as the bus starts rolling, the singing begins. “Tubin On The River,” “Tubin'” “Bohemian Tubesady” “Lucy in the Bogachitta on a Tube” all classics. After you exit the bus you pick a tube and it all begins. As for what happens on the river it stays on the river.
Around sunset you'll float up to Wayne's World get into your car and head to Taco Bell, which is awesome. Then after it's all over dance party all night or until we're asked to leave.
What did you do on Monday?
E.P.I.G.,
Rambler “JoJo” Boogie
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